comments on Sarah's rough draft
I like how you have a lot of strong question in the beginning of your paper, it makes the reader excited to read more and get the answer for them.
If you want you can talk more about the 3 life’s each person that has facebook has more deeply! Like tell us in his school life he have this and then when he goes home it changes from this to this and then we he goes on facebook he changes from this mood to this mood. And you can say FaceBook was started by a 12 years old kid and now the CIA have a big control on it, they can see anyone’s information and friends!
I liked when you talked about the people that live on the island that there poor or basically don’t have what we do have, but there much happier then us. You should talk more about this say why there happy even though they have less (expansive cars and nice houses…etc) then us?!
You are saying “we buy everything that fits these characters and put on a certain role to fulfill these characters.” You can talk how u be doing that and it leads you know that it leads you to emptyniess but your still doing it!
Nice job I enjoyed reading it! thanks
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