Sunday, November 1, 2009

h.w #16

Eq: How is digital technology affecting bad on our society?

Thesis: The electronic representation today has made us lazier and unhealthy .
to the level that people sometimes don’t go outside for days and ordering food on the phone (2 lazy to make there own food)

Argument 1:-(society)

it made the kids and the teen and some of the adults stop doing there homework and the some adults stay up all night on the video game trying to finish some level and go to work late! Which it get all of whos using it a lot dumber because there always doing the same think and thinking of the same thing. Which it makes there minds close (only open for video games to think).

Evidence: the people I use to live with in the middle east didn’t have that much of electronic devices from (i-pods, TVs’, cell phones…etc) like the 20 years and up would have cell phones but they would only use it for emergencies not to text and waste time or call girls and talk to them for hours, any American person that living with all of these device’s would say how are these people living? I think there living a better life then us, simple and easy! And there way smarter kids in school always doing there home works and studying for exam’s they don’t have face book to distract them or cell phones to text!

Argument 2:-( and it makes the people who use digital devices a lot, get a bad vision and a bad health! From sitting down not moving and eating and looking at the screen that gives the laser that hurt are eye’s

Evidence: there(in the middle east) I don’t see that much of fat and unhealthy people most of them go play soccer or basketball or volleyball on the weekend not sitting home in front of screens and getting fatter and fatter, and eating fast food and sitting home in front of screen makes the person gets fat no matter what!

Conclusion:
Overall, digital technology is affecting bad on our society and its making us only thinking of whats going to happen tomorrow not on are future or are kids future!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Mohammed,

    Here are my suggestions; I broke it down by each section…

    Thesis Revision: I think that you have a good start to your thesis but I think rewording it might be a good idea. I would say: The overuse of technology present in the USA shows signs of laziness and unhealthy behavior. Which leads to a nation of indoor activity and bad eating habits.

    Argument 1 Revision: I think this paragraph has a good start; I think that for your evidence should focus around someone who used to live in the Middle East and now lives in the United States. You said that we are a dumber nation, what is your proof of that? There are smart people in this country and so what if they are on the phones 24/7?

    Argument 2 Revision: I think you have a good idea going for this…Maybe you can discuss the movie Wall-E, and it can be your evidence of the US obesity rate rising. Also the rate of diabetes rising.

    Argument 3 Revision: WRITE IT!

    Conclusion Revision: Make sure the point you are trying to come across is made clear through your evidence!

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