he wakes up so tired gets ready so slow, and gets to the school usually late, see’s the dean on the door saying “that’s not what you said when you came with your brother to sign in this school, you told us you going to be early every day” walks up to his class and goes in while everyone be looking at him and one goes “oh what time is it?” to be funny which is not, and that’s even before they say good morning , well he sits down and do his class work and pay attention to the teacher, and he remembers he have home work for the next class he have that he didn’t do, so he starts working on it during the class he’s late 2, its 9.30 and he have 15 minutes left to finish his homework that’s due for the next class.
The teacher goes” stop working on math and pay attention over here” he ignores the teacher and continue working like the teacher didn’t even say anything. then the teacher takes the notebook from him and said “come take it after this class ends” and he goes “oh my god, I was almost done, come on” and the teacher says “now stop talking and shut up” then he goes “ don’t tell me to shut up , I mean you can say be quite better than shut up, nicer” the teacher goes “ I said shut up, so shut up please). The teacher goes away and he start telling the student that sitting next to him” why that ass hole is picking on me today?” the other student goes “ugh life is sucks buddy”.
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Hi Mohammed-I think you have a good start to your story but I don't understand what type of cool you are trying to portray. It seems like the character is either the type of person who doesn't follow the rules or too cool for school. Maybe try elaborating on the reactions of the students to him so that it is more clear to the reader.
ReplyDeleteHey Mo, I really liked your story. It sounds like the attitude that alot of kinds have today. Its realistic and I can see the character being in a real highschool.
ReplyDeleteYour character stands up for himself in front of an elderly figure which does not happen a lot in our society. Usually if this happened to someone they would mutter something under their breath and keep quiet, instead your character does the opposite of this which makes them stand out amongst others.
ReplyDeleteI like how straight forward you were in portraying what type of cool your character represents. It seems like he tries too hard to be "cool" that in the end he finds himself dealing with bigger consequences.
ReplyDeleteMohammad,
ReplyDeleteI like your story. But I found it a little bit short. I think you were trying to say that the cool character is the boy. He comes in late and does his homework in class. I also like how you portrayed the teacher. You made the reader hate him. He was uncool for taking his homework.
Moe,
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a typical day at SOF. It seems like your idea of a cool person is someone who just goes with the flow, and doesn't worry to much. Also, your character talks back a bit to the teacher, which is basically what goes on every day. I think your story did a good job of being realistic, and reflecting what high school life is like. But, is this your idea of what cool is as well, or just a mirror of what takes place?
Overall, Good Job =)